I'm no veteran to this life as a firefighter, but I'm no rookie either. I've seen messed up things in life doing this job just as much as the next firefighter, but sometimes this job really gets to me. I don't know what's down this road anymore. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, but sometimes it seems like it. I try to stay strong and show it doesn't bother me, but I think it's really getting to me now. I guess it got to my husband as well. From one of my previous blog posts some of you read that we were having troubles because of my job, well I guess he finally had enough because he filed for divorce two weeks ago. I love this job more than anything in life, but I guess this is one of those jobs that doesn't always love you back. A few weeks back I got called out to the scene of a car wreck. The patient was an older male who had his six year old daughter with him in the car. The girl was okay, just a broken arm and some bumps and bruises, but her father wasn't wearing his seat belt and went through the windshield. He was already deceased when we made it on scene. This particular call has really messed me up. I just keep imagining that girl and thinking of myself when my dad passed away when I was ten. I keep wondering how she's going to handle it. Every time I think of that little girl I think of the night I lost my dad. A night I still have problems with to this very day. It just seems worse now. I rarely sleep and when I do sleep my nightmares of that night have returned. I'm really depressed. When I'm at work I try my best not to let it show, but I think it's slipping through and starting to show. I just wonder if I'm cut out for this job. Ever since I started this job I shoved my emotions to the back of my existence and ignored them, but for some reason it doesn't seem like I can anymore. Will it pass? If anyone has some helpful words or something, anything, please share.