When we dream about fire, and fighting it, our packs are light, movement is easy, water is plentiful and the good guys win. Every time.
In reality, movement is slow, and labored, our bodies feel like they weigh a million pounds and the water clock ticks incessantly in our heads.
Being "in deep" isn't a big deal with a charged line in hand and help behind us, for it is that help that keeps us moving forward, going deeper and ultimately prevailing.
Yesterday, the help wasn't able to come. They were forced to stand down. They lived every firefighter's worst nightmare; letting their fellow firefighters down. That is worse than dying. It is our biggest fear, our worst nightmare.
The loss I feel for two firefighters I did not know, but somehow did is profound. But it isn't even measurable compared with what the Boston Fire Department is dealing with today.
This started as a "words cannot express..." post, then a "thoughts and prayers" message, but I just couldn't leave it at that.
Nothing I or anybody will say, or write will alleviate their sorrow and loss. I just hope that somehow, in some way the firefighters in Boston know that the rest of us understand, and stand with you.
Stay proud, Boston Firefighters. You did your damnedest.